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as told by Samantha Roghers EDITOR’S NOTE: Samantha, a high school senior from Bangor, originally wrote this essay for English class about the loss of her grandmother, Carol James. Carol, who worked in Purchasing at Gundersen Lutheran, died of cancer in December 2004.
Life ain’t always what it seems to be
Words can’t express what you mean to me
Even though you’re gone we’re still a team
Through your family I’ll fulfill your dreams
In the future, I can’t wait to see
If you open up the gates for me...
 These are lyrics from my favorite song, “I’ll Be Missing You,” written by rapper P. Diddy about losing one of his best friends. For me, this song means a lot. My grandma was one of my best friends. Although I feel grateful that my grandma is now at peace—for eight years she struggled with cancer—losing her is one of the hardest things I have to live with.
One of my favorite phrases in the song is, Memories give me the strength I need to proceed, strength I need to believe. My grandma always told me to believe in everything I did, and believe in the choices I made. That’s why I got the word “believe” tattooed on my back. My grandma knew that her time was coming to an end quickly, so she made sure to give me as much advice as she could. She reminded me every day that life is short and I should live my life to the fullest.
Almost every word used in this song has something to do with letting go of sorrows. It explains that even though we’ve lost someone close, our loved ones are still smiling down on us and memories of them give us strength when we need it. When I listen to this song, I let all of my feelings go, because I know, in the future, my grandma will be waiting for me.
This past Dec. 13, marked two years since I lost my grandma. Not a day goes by when I do not think about her. She was my backbone, my best friend. I miss her more and more every day, but I know that she is no longer in pain; she is happy.
Thinking of the day when you went away
What a life to take, what a bond to break
I’ll be missing you. |